Iâd heard that fear of the dark is a protein, Scotophobin A, which can be isolated from the brains of rats. My Chemistry teacher told us that 1-hexanol smelled like cut grass. I watched her draw it once, on the whiteboard. A colorless liquid that, I imagined, smelled like memory, summer term, sports day, an army of ants cresting the summit of a picnic blanket, damp loam after rain.
Iâd hoped that studying neuroscience would teach me all about things like that. I imagined watching sunlight refract through a conical flask, some clear liquid roiling inside. âFear of abandonment is a sequence of seventeen peptides,â our lecturer might say, âisolated from the muscles of the heartbroken.â
âLook here,â he would say, pointing to another vial. âWe can synthesize these things in a lab now. This one is awe.â